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Self-Portrait of a Husband

Warning… moderately graphic graffiti and text messages ahead.

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Letter to my husband

Dear Richard,

You’ve always been a coward. I didn’t see it for so long because I loved you. Though I love you still, the rose-colored glasses have been removed and I see you for what you are.

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You are a coward. You were a coward before I met you. And you are a coward still. You told me yourself that you stayed on SSI/Disability long after you had any need of it – that staying on it was your “security blanket.” When I needed you most to speak for me, you stayed silent. When I needed you to notice me and the work I was doing, you ignored me. You belittled me. You marginalized me. And when I was struggling after running out of medication, you not only failed to notice – you left. You abandoned me in my most desperate hour. And you’ve abandoned me every day, every hour, every minute since then.

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Happy Anniversary Richard!

I would like to wish my husband a happy anniversary! It was one year ago today he revealed to me the lie that our marriage had been built upon.

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One year from now

A consistent piece of advice I hear from life coaches and gurus is the importance of writing down your goals. I am taking that one step further and sharing my goals with the world. Here are my ten goals for how I want my life to look one year from today.

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Like an elephant graveyard, but with less elephants and more cars

 

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I’m sure there’s a perfectly boring explanation for the cars being here, but that didn’t stop me from imagining an epic Hollywood-style car chase which culminated in the drivers abandoning their vehicles here and fleeing in boats which they had stashed nearby.

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Trying to make sense of things…

Just One Take

Every now and then I take some time to sit alone with my thoughts, trying to make sense of things that are going on in my life or things that have happened.

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Zombies North of Normal

In case you missed it, here is chapter one of my novel “Zombies North of Normal.”  Thanks for reading and I welcome reader feedback in the comments!

Just One Take

Chapter One: Outbreak in Aurora

She had been staying at the shelter just a little more than a week when the outbreak took over the city. It was utter chaos. Murder in the streets – if you could call slaughter of the dead “murder.”

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Zombies North of Normal (06)

Chapter Six: The Story of Sarah

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Though she didn’t see it, she heard the helicopter approach and make its landing close to the building over on the east end. She contemplated whether or not to make her presence known in some way. She was on the south side of the building and would have to either venture out into the hall with those monsters or make her way through the window and down the wall from the second story. It was easy for her to decide that she would choose the latter if she decided to leave her room at all. She did not care to encounter those things again so soon.

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Trust Levels

I used to think that trust was like and “on/off” switch – either I trusted someone or I didn’t. But that doesn’t have to be the case. I learned a better way and I hope this post can help someone find a better way for themselves.

There are levels to trust. For example, you can trust most people to not shoot you in line at the grocery store. However, that doesn’t mean you hand them your wallet, keys, and the passcode to your accounts. There are stages you need to put people through as you determine where they fit in your life and level of trust.

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Zombies North of Normal (05)

Chapter Five: Rescue

Slowly rising to her feet, hand clutching her knife, she prepared to look whomever had arrived firmly in the eye and tell them to leave her be. She had everything she needed to survive and didn’t need or want anyone’s assistance. Specifically, she didn’t want to be in anyone’s debt or employ – that was her old life and she was determined to enjoy a long life of freedom and independence.

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