Right now, the thing I miss most about my sister Rynn Willgohs is the sound of her laughter. She had a beautiful laugh and I hate that I’m never gonna get to hear it again.

Also, since her name has been in the news this past week, I’ve been feeling angry with myself for not arguing hard enough over her obituary. Rynn did not die by suicide and I hate that I allowed that lie to be published. Considering the immediate information surrounding her death was suspicious, I argued that we should write nothing in regard to Rynn’s cause of death in the obituary. Regrettably, I was overruled and now that lie continues to circulate online and inaccurately reflects Rynn’s life and alters her legacy.

***TRIGGER WARNING – What follows are vague details of Rynn’s death. If you choose to continue reading, know that this information is difficult to process as it is to write. Please, do what you need to in order to keep yourself safe and supported. These are strange and difficult times.

Before she left for Europe, Rynn shared with me many of her hopes and fears about moving overseas. One of her fears was that she would be killed and the murder would be made to look like a suicide. I promised her that if she wound up dead, I would get to the truth of the matter. Never had I imagined I would have to make good on that promise, but what Rynn feared is exactly what happened.

Both the staff member who found her body and a staff member at the morgue said the same thing upon viewing the body – there is no way a person could have done that to themselves. That fateful date in October was not the first attempt to permanently silence Rynn. The first attempt was made to look like an overdose and it nearly succeeded. Death by suicide is an important topic that warrants serious discussion, but including Rynn in that discussion is grossly inappropriate.

My concern with the lie is not just about creating an accurate legacy for my sister Rynn. My other concern is this – even if a transgender person could get a passport, leave the United States, settle in another country – they would have to do so QUIETLY or else risk being murdered as Rynn was. It wasn’t enough for Rynn to get away from the opression and genocide of transgender people in her country of birth. She felt a strong calling to help others to also escape and lead happy healthy lives. So her seeking refuge in another country was not something that could be done quietly if her aim was to help others do the same.

Some of my colleagues argue that proclaiming Rynn’s death as a suicide is the “right thing to do” because the truth will incite panic and despair among the transgender community. I would argue that the transgender community needs truth in order to plan ahead and protect themselves. Transgender people have faced enough lies, gaslighting, and worse over the course of their lives – the last thing an ally should do is to pile on yet another lie.

I love and miss my sister more than words can say. As much as I am able, I have put her to rest and made a shaky peace of sorts with the manner of her death. All that is left for us survivors to do is honor her memory as best we can. However, allowing that lie about Rynn to continue is something I cannot do.

I made Rynn a promise and that promise I shall keep.