Five years ago I was homeless.

Four years ago I was struggling everyday with thoughts of suicide and self-harm.

Three years ago my divorce from my abuser was finished. Even though I settled for pennies on the dollar of what I would have been entitled to, I decided it was time for me to just be done with it.

Two years ago I was still struggling to speak clearly. Whenever discussing a difficult subject, I would start to stutter. Working with a speech therapist on my executive function skills helps me to regain my ability to speak clearly.

One year ago I found a safe place that I could call my home.

Last winter, I set a goal to go on a hike through the Boundary Waters in February. I didn’t meet my goal, but having that goal inspired me to work hard in physical therapy. I learned the importance of setting my goals is not so much about meeting them, but more about the inspiration the goal gives me to keep striving.

This spring and summer I ran for a seat on my local park board. I didn’t win the election, but I did earn votes from thousands of people in my community who believed in me and my ability to get the job done.

This fall I was appointed by the mayor of my city to serve on the local Human Rights Commission. Serving on this commission gives me the ability to advocate for people with disabilities as well as survivors of domestic violence. I have spent the past several years speaking about my trauma history in therapy sessions and support groups. Today, I speak about my trauma history to spread understanding of what people who have survived domestic violence go through and help to make their escape from the cycle of abuse a little more safe.

I’m speaking to you now to spread hope this holiday season that recovery is possible. Whether you are recovering from chemical dependency, a traumatic past, an abusive relationship, or complex grief – I have hope for you.

My best advice for your healing journey is this – don’t walk the path alone. It took the help of several different physical therapists to heal my body. It took the help of several different psychological therapists who specialized in different modalities to heal my mind. And it took the help of a great many generous and kind-hearted friends to heal my spirit.

I live in the American Midwest where accepting help from others is seen as a weaknes, but I promise you the people who genuinely want to help will not make you feel weak. These are the people who will build you up. These are the people who will have faith in you when you’ve lost faith in yourself. These are the people who will love you when you feel unlovable and alone.

If you haven’t found these people yet, keep looking and don’t give up until you find yourself surrounded by them and their support. When I was dealing with daily suicidal ideation, I would hear the line that “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” – but the problems I was dealing with were not temporary.

I had lost my home and many of my possessions which could never be replaced. My body had been permanently damaged by the abuse and violence I had survived. My mind had become twisted by being subjected to sustained abuse, grief, and isolation. I never really wanted to die, but I did want the pain to end. The fact of the matter is I am still in pain every single day of my life.

The difference between now and five years ago is that now I have learned better coping skills to deal with my psychological and my physical pain. The other remarkable difference is the people I have in my life. These are people who care about me for who I am – not what I can do for them. These are people who love me fiercely, but also set healthy boundaries when I’ve not been my best self. These are the people who give me comfort on the difficult days and celebrate with me on good days.

Five years ago, I couldn’t imagine ever having something to celebrate – but with time, effort, and support, I now see something to celebrate in every day I am alive. I believe you can get there too.