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Feminine Anger

I can feel her presence. She is always there, nibbling at the frayed edges of my mind. My most intimate and steadfast companion never leaving me behind. Rather, she is the one who jumps into play when others choose to abandon me. I would say she’s back – but truth be told, she never really left.

She exists for a reason and that reason is to protect me when it seems nobody else will. She has never failed me in that regard. Although her means are unorthodox and arguably unethical, she is always effective when it comes to protecting the fragility of my heart. She is not only allowed to feel anger, but she wields it as a warrior might carry a sword and shield.  By contrast, I am not culturally allowed to feel or express my rage myself.

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Why survivors stay silent

Image from Indian Woman Blog

Ninety-nine percent and what happens to survivors who speak out

This is not a post about income inequality. This is a post about the “other” ninety-nine percent. This is a post about the statistical fact that 99 percent of perpetrators of rape walk free among us

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The days that follow – update

And he continues to live his life as if this never happened – as is he never raped the babysitter while that little girl slept across the hallway with all doors in the house wide open. He lives as if he never used a gun to threaten me. He lives as if he got away with it.

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I took the bold move of unblocking him today. Much to my surprise, Cole had not blocked me. I guess he’s just that confident of a rapist. Scrolling through his timeline, I wasn’t surprised to see he still has this post from the night he assaulted me.

Just One Take

In the days that followed since Cole Mooridian sexually assaulted me in his home during the early morning hours of June 4th – his life continued as normal.

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The girl I would do anything for – update coming soon

It has been more than one year since I saw her last.

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She is still in the custody of known rapist – Cole Mooridian. He left her bedroom door open while he raped her babysitter in their home in June 2017. While there is little more I can do to help her, the one thing I can do is write.

 

Just One Take

I would do anything for this girl…

View original post 48 more words

I was never your cure.

I was never your cure. I am your addiction.

You hurt me far too many times, I could mention

After it has all been done and said –

You thought you could leave, but I’m still in your head.

 

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I am so much more

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I am so much more than a victim.

I am a survivor.

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On being “lucky”

I am a survivor.

I have survived not one – but two sexual assaults.

I have survived the loss of my babies, Alexandra and Frances.

I have survived the loss of dear friends Dustin and Jennifer.

I’ve also survived three car crashes, four job losses, and high school.

Yet, I still consider myself a “lucky” survivor of sexual assault.

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The days that follow

In the days that followed since Cole Mooridian sexually assaulted me in his home during the early morning hours of June 4th – his life continued as normal.

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Cole Mooridian is a Rapist

I went to Valley City to babysit the evening of June 4th. We had dinner, showed her all the cool stuff in my med kit, cleaned and bandaged up her stuffed animals’ ouchies, then sat outside to watch the stars come out.

Then later, the neighbors started up a backyard bonfire. We joined them in fellowship – chatting, eating ice cream, and looking up at the beautiful night sky!

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