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He’s just that kind of guy

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Richard Kodadek

He is charming… he is kind and empathetic… he is generous – or at least he makes the effort to appear that way to the public.

He’s a “regular joe” – the kind of guy who donates his time on a Friday night after a long work week because he has a friend whose daughter has a brain tumor and the local Shriner’s are hosting a benefit for her.

But he’s also the kind of guy who raped his wife.

***

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Cole Mooridian

He’s the kind of guy who takes in a young girl and convinces the court to give him full custody because her biological family lacks the resources to care for her.

But he also raped the babysitter.

***

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Joel Blaha – third from right

He’s the kind of guy who works for the Anne Carlsen Center – an organization that provides services for children and adults with developmental disabilities and in his spare time participates in local community theater.

But he also raped his co-stage manager while preparing for a production of “The Odd Couple.”

***

They are really the kind of guys who know how to spot a “good” victim – someone who is socially isolated and unlikely to speak out about any abuse… but these three in choosing to victimize me – chose poorly. I will not remain silent.

It would be so much easier if these monsters looked as ugly on the outside as they are on the inside. But they don’t – they look like regular guys making a living and being an active part of their respective communities. They are our neighbors, our friends, teachers, technicians, and employers. They are members of our communities and part of our church congregations. They are our uncles, sons, spouses, and significant others. And when we’re faced with the fact that someone we know has committed such a horrific crime, it is only human to stay in a safety-net of denial.

I would add a fifth item to Babble’s list of 4 Reasons We Don’t Believe Abuse Victimswe don’t want to believe someone we know would ever do such a thing.

***

One study even showed that rapists are more empathetic toward women than other criminals—although they have a distinct empathy gap when it comes to their own victims.  – Psychology Today

***

In your mind, he’s a loner. In your mind, you’ve never meet him. The reality of rape and the people who perpetrate it is of course vastly different to this, but society’s insistence on maintaining its commitment to this fictional villain continues to the detriment of us all. – The Sydney Morning Herald

***

Studies of incarcerated rapists — even men who admit to keeping sex slaves in conflict zones — find a similar disconnect. It’s not that they deny sexual assault happens; it’s just that the crime is committed by the monster over there. And this is not a sign that the respondents are psychopaths, said Dr. Hamby, the journal editor. It’s a sign that they are human. – The New York Times

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