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I will not abandon you.

I’m not sure if you get my messages. You often say you will block my number. So I don’t know if they get through to you – either literally or metaphorically. But I know you check this website every day so I will tell it to you again here. I will not abandon you.

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You Belong to Me on YouTube

Fargo on a Saturday Evening

Self-Portrait of a Husband

Warning… moderately graphic graffiti and text messages ahead.

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Letter to my husband

Dear Richard,

You’ve always been a coward. I didn’t see it for so long because I loved you. Though I love you still, the rose-colored glasses have been removed and I see you for what you are.

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You are a coward. You were a coward before I met you. And you are a coward still. You told me yourself that you stayed on SSI/Disability long after you had any need of it – that staying on it was your “security blanket.” When I needed you most to speak for me, you stayed silent. When I needed you to notice me and the work I was doing, you ignored me. You belittled me. You marginalized me. And when I was struggling after running out of medication, you not only failed to notice – you left. You abandoned me in my most desperate hour. And you’ve abandoned me every day, every hour, every minute since then.

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Happy Anniversary Richard!

I would like to wish my husband a happy anniversary! It was one year ago today he revealed to me the lie that our marriage had been built upon.

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One year from now

A consistent piece of advice I hear from life coaches and gurus is the importance of writing down your goals. I am taking that one step further and sharing my goals with the world. Here are my ten goals for how I want my life to look one year from today.

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Trying to make sense of things…

Just One Take

Every now and then I take some time to sit alone with my thoughts, trying to make sense of things that are going on in my life or things that have happened.

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Nothing

woman-hiding-in-abandoned-room-jill-battaglia

Art by Jill Battaglia

“He was supposed to protect me,” she thought with angry tears in her eyes as the rain fell hard against the windows of her car. That singular thought swirling over and over in her mind like creamer in coffee. “He was supposed to protect me.”

But he didn’t. He had left her. He abandoned her. And he gave no indication that he had any capacity left to care for her at all. In that moment, she couldn’t ever remember feeling so alone.

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The Void as a Birthplace

  • The first and arguably greatest mystery of our existence is that of its coming in to being. – Jacqueline Kodadek

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